“Time was meant to waste, a life with good old friends, walking hand in hand.” -The Normals
Years ago, Gary Chapman wrote a bestselling book called “The Five Love Languages.” The premise is simple enough. He posits that every person has a different way they give and receive love. In his book (or online) you can take a little test to see your love language. I often see couples do these tests and then read their spouses corresponding chapters in order to see the world through each others’ eyes. This last week, I took this test. And the results surprised me, and then didn’t.
I assumed my love language was gift giving. When I had an office, you could walk in and see the many handmade and thoughtful gifts that I had been given over the years. Every day I wear a watch that some dear friend gave me. And in my Tahoe swings some faded pink fuzzy dice that a spiritual daughter once gave to me. I value gifts very much. And not only do I love receiving gifts, I love giving them. So it was a shoe in for the number one spot.
But the test revealed that I had a love language just as strong as gift giving.
First, a story. After three months of marriage, I came home one day after work and Angie had made a delightful meal. We sat at the table to eat, and then she asked me the question, “Are you glad you married me?” This is an awful question. Cause somewhere in her heart she thinks I have regret. And there was none. I was pumped to be married. I honestly had no idea how she could think that I wasn’t all in. See, almost every day I would bring home a little something. A hershey kiss. A slurpee. Just something to show I was thinking of her. How could I bring all these gifts and she not see how much I loved her?!
Whelp, turns out Angie’s love language was quality time. She valued focused, uninterrupted time. No cell phones. Not running an errand. But face to face conversation time. I thought all the driving and running together counted, but to her it didn’t. So our love languages crossed like ships in the night. So, I had to learn how to meet her where she was, and she learned to meet me where I was. And it’s been an awesome 13 years.
And this week I took that test and it revealed that Quality Time tied for my highest love language. How could this have happened? How did I change so much in the last 13 years? Is this test accurate?
So, a buddy flies in from out of state. A good old friend. And we spend hours just hanging. No booze. No sight seeing. No need to really do anything. Just walking and talking and thinking and dreaming. And it was great. Absolutely wonderful. It encouraged my soul and strengthened my vision.
I love my family. I love my friends. I love the family of God. And I truly enjoy being with the people I love. Who would’ve thunk it?